evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
