That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
