Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
