...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
