I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
