Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
