is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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