dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
operation harelip BJ is a go
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
