Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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