i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
