Do you still have your period?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
