im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
