I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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