Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
