the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
