She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
