my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
