im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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