I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
