I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Randomize
