that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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