watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
In other news, I just burned my penis
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
