remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
