We're like a lot better than the average bears
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
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It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
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I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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