just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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