She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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