No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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