sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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