and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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