I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
