you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize