I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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