Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
