If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
