Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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