The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took my morning after pill in the library
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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