Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I cockslap morals
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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