Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
