On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
you had me at cake vodka
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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