I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.