yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
