it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless