I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
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Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
i think my cat just said my name.