just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?