Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
