I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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