Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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