I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
