wakey wakey hands off snakey
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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