why didn't you poke me back
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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