I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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