Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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