I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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