Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
