You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
