He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
